1. Infertility issues. – Struggling with infertility and feeling a strong need to parent a child and not fully grieving the loss of the ability to have a birth child. It’s important not to skip the step of grieving the loss associated with infertility. It would not be fair if a child enters a family as a sort of replacement. It’s only a matter of time before the child doesn’t meet the expectations of the parents and the adoptive placement begins to fail. The adoptive parents may also begin to resent the child and feel unfulfilled as parents. The child will also feel this resentment from his parents. Take your time – Adoption may well be right for you and your partner soon, but should not be seen as an immediate solution.
2. Needing a playmate. – Adoption is not a way for a child already in the home to gain a playmate. The adopted child is not added to the home in order to meet the needs of the adoptive family. Again, expectations may not be met and the child will feel the family’s disappointment. There are other ways for a child to gain a playmate. Consider neighborhood children, joining play groups, or putting your child in activities or clubs.
3. Save a relationship. – Adoption is not a way to save a failing marriage. Just like couples who think a pregnancy will save a marriage, an adoption will not save a relationship – the starin it can put on a stable relationship is immense, let alone a struggling one. Adoption may distract a couple from core issues, but that distraction will only last for a while. In time the issues that brought about discontentment within the home will return once the new wears off the adoption. This is another unfair situation to bring a child into.
4. Fear of empty nest. – Some people, especially mothers, grow concerned about what life will be like once all of their children leave home – empty nest syndrome. It is then that some may consider adding more children to the family so that never happens. Adoption is not the answer. This would be another situation of the adoptive family looking for a child to meet their needs. Look at other ways the empty nest may be a blessing and open new doors and opportunities. If you feel you have love, time and patience to spare then why not consider Fostering?
5. My spouse wants to adopt. – Don’t agree to adopt a child just to please a spouse who really wants to adopt. If you are not interested in adding to the family through adoption, then don’t do it. This is another situation where the child will feel the dissension within the family. Adoption could put a huge strain on a relationship and therefore must be a decision made by both parties.
6. Meeting the family’s need. – Adoption is not a way to gain attention for yourself, or to meet any need you may have, not even your need to parent a child. Adoption should not be about you needing a child. Adoption is about you being ready to parent a child who needs a family.
7. Something or someone is missing. – The adoptive family feels the need to fill a hole within their own lives. A hole that may be due to the loss of another child. Again, the child should not be there to fill your family’s need. The adopted child should not be expected to fill the spot of another child.
8. A calling. – Adoption is not a way to repay a debt to society, a good deed, or a “Christian Duty.” It’s about providing a home for a child that needs a home and you being willing and ready to parent that child through the good and the bad. These reasons may spark or trigger your interest in adoption, but will not be enough to sustain you as a family while parenting your adopted child into adulthood.
For more details on Adoption Worcestershire, see our FAQ’s or contact us direct on 0800 633 5442. Our foster care and adoption website also has much more information, we encourage anyone considering fostering or adoption to take your time to navigate through the site. Thank you.